untold stories from a slacker

Archive for food

Yummy Cheap Sweet Calamares

WARNING!!!!! Somebody read this!

Di b kayo nagtataka kung bakit ang kalamares na tinitinda sa kalye ay napakmura at malaki pa…eh samantlang nasa php250 per kilo ito sa mga palengke.

Ganito yun. Deliver ito gling China sako-sako at binebenta lng ng 1,800 per sako… napakamura po di ba? Hindi b dapat nasisira na ito kapag sa byahe pa lang?

Ang malupit na sikreto. Dahil ang mga pusit n ito ay SAGANA sa FORMALIN…sarap db?!?!

A message from my old office buddy Rigs.


The Coconut Milk Order

My friend, Zell and I went to the canteen to have lunch. There were these two guys, and I think they’re both gay who were on the line and they can’t fucking decide what they’re gonna eat. They were asking the lady at the food counter if the chicken had coconut milk on it. I can’t help but notice the disappointment on their faces when the lady said there was none. Now why are these two fucking faggots looking for coconut milk? What’s with coconut milk? Then suddenly it hit me. They were looking for something to eat that looks like semen. I told Zell about it and when the two faggots left we were laughing. I’m really a good person but the next time I see faggots messing around like that I’m gonna kick their fucking asses off.

Did you know that 30% of the men who goes to the gym are gay? Well, that was according to Zell. So why do fucking fags go to the gym? The answer is obvious. Of course they want to meet guys. Makati is infested with fags. And most of these fags are good looking men. Well I think that’s good. It eliminates the competition. It increases the chance of getting those hot chicks.

Wishful thinking.

Living Creatures in your drink: the new recipe?

Ever been to Clark, Pampanga? Well it’s like my first time to go there last Saturday. My girlfriend and I went to the newly opened mall, SM Clark. We checked out the place and it’s pretty huge. It was raining when we got there and we were like hungry from the trip from San Fernando to Clark. So we looked for a nice place to eat. I was craving for Japanese food so we ended up in Tokyo Tokyo.

It has been two months since I last checked out the Japanese fastfood so we were kinda excited. We ordered Sumo Beef Misono, the order was good for two and some tuna sashimi. What I like about Tokyo Tokyo is you get unlimited cups of rice. It’s like eat all the rice that you can. I love the Ice Tea. Yeah it comes with a slice of lemon but my experience last Saturday changed everything.

When my girlfriend was about to take a sip from the Ice Tea, a tiny creature, a little fruit worm, was moving and was on the slice of lemon. It’s disgusting. Don’t the Tokyo Tokyo crew check the lemon they use? What the fuck? They get paid for doing such a dirty job. So we were cool about that. My girlfriend went to the counter and had her Ice Tea replaced. But that was not the end of it. We were in the middle of eating and enjoying the food when my girlfriend was about to take a sip on the replaced Ice Tea again. Guess what? The worm transformed into a fly. I told myself, “That’s it.” So I went to the counter and told the person in charge that there’s a fly floating on our Ice Tea. Do you know what she said? “Eh di palitan natin”, in a sarcastic way. Who does she think she is? I guess she eats flies. Yeah, you the fat manager of Tokyo Tokyo, SM City Clark branch. You are disgusting. I hope you get fired for being such a bitch.

I love Tokyo Tokyo but this big fat manager is giving it a bad name. I advise you to check out what you eat when you go to TokyoTokyo SM Clark branch.

Biscuit anyone?

Has anyone wondered how large the population of China is? It's more than a billion and growing. That's 1/6 of the world's total population. Can you imagine how horny these people are? And imagine if more horny people are being born in China everyday, the world will be full of Chinese. Would that be fun or what? I really love chinese girls you know. If that would be the case, every horny Filipino male like me would have 20 Chinese girls. I could have even more… Oh, I'm just imagining things. I did not mean to offend anyone.

Anyway, I have some interesting story again to tell you. My friend (Sorry, I can't tell his name) told me that somewhere in China, there's some market where a lot of human fetus are sold for food. It's like balut here in the Philippines, only worse. In china it isn't in an eggshell, it's outside the shell. Hahahaha. Get it? I've also heard from some of my friends that one brand of luncheon meat here in the Philippines is made of human fetus. I won't tell which one. The worse part of this is, I do believe them because they are my ever reliable source of crazy ideas. Now dig that!!! It's like that old popular movie Soylent Green.

Biscuit anyone? 

Dog food or the dog is food or maybe not.

Two long weeks has passed since the great "break up" happened. I still haven't recovered yet but I'm beginning to understand everything now. Maybe this has to really happen for our own good. For her to be happy and me to find my own true self. I've been wandering for more than twenty years in life just looking for myself. I know you are too. Each and everyone of us do.

It's really so damn hard to forget but I'm trying. I'm keeping myself busy on work. In fact I have too many projects to keep my mind off this girl. Maybe this is destiny's plan for me. What I'm thinking right now is I wanna get rich. Yeah, that's what I wanna actually do, now that I'm all alone in this fight. It's such a tragedy but I know I should move on. I'd never be happy again but what the heck, I'd just try to amuse myself with more projects so I could earn a lot of cash. so I could buy things that can keep my mind off her and my other problems… Oh what the heck am I talking about. Next paragraph please…

Anyway, I have some story to tell. Please read this.

Dog eat dog? Man eat dog poop!Some old hometown friend told me a story about how some minority group in the northern part of the Philippines deal with a dog for dinner and appetizer. He said that before they butcher the damn pitiful dog, they tie the dog up for five days without food, just water. This is to clean the dogs digestive and excretory system. The night before they butcher the poor dog, they feed him with corned beef. So when the morning comes, these minority group of people strangle the dog with an "alambre" or a steel wire and hang the poor damn dog on the tree. When the dog is dead, they use a blow torch to burn the poor dog. Isn't that brutally insane? That's animal abuse. No, I think not. That's not the end of my story yet. Before I continue my story, I want you guys to get a pail or a paper bag and put it beside you. So here it goes, when the dog's entire hide is burned, these crazy people put some tube or some steel pipe into the dog's anus and suck the corned beef from this dog'sintestines. My friend says that according to this crazy minority people, the digested corned beef from a dog's ass tastes better and is more delicious. Now, I would like to see that on exotic restaurants. They should name it "corned beef ala dog poop".

If you can't imagine it, I've provided an illustration I did myself.

I just had two bottles of beer and about a dozen of cigarettes. I'm not crazy. This story is true.